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MNT同人文 - Killing Myself–Another Donnie in MNT

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睁开眼,
看见的是你的笑脸,
因为你成功了,
因为看见了他回来的可能性,
因为离你心中的现实又迈近一步了。
当时还是懵懂无知的我,
也向你报以微笑。
只是我不曾知道,
你那如生命般美好的笑容不是投向我,
连你那如死亡般残忍的愤怒也不是。
强加给我另一人的身份,
控告我那不可饶恕的弑父之过。
你却不知道,
你审判我的罪名对我来说何等陌生,
你喊叫的名字压根儿不是属于我。
我想告诉你你错了,
张开了嘴唇却无声音发出。
对了,我忘了,
连说话的能力我也给你递夺了。
因为我是甚么我想甚么你根本不需要知道,
你所注目的只有你心中的真实罢了,
这个世界是假的我是假的,
余下的只有你所执着疯狂的真实。
你却不知道,
我就是你,
即便我是不存在的虚假,
我也是你。
这是我在这虚假的世界中所判断得到惟一的真实,
只是你已经听不进去了,
你不惜用杀戮去抹掉我所说的真实,
以鲜血去模糊你已经昏乱了的眼睛,
借祭品换取你所执迷之真实的生存。
我不恨你,
因为你只是个分不清真假的可怜人,
连自己的存在也想要从虚假中抹掉,
来维系你心中的真实;
我不恨你,
因为你心中的伤口比我身上的更要令人痛苦,
我的至少还会随着时间结疤痊愈,
你的直到现在还是在徜着血。
我只遗憾,
我在你生命中是有如旁观者的存在。
我目睹你的恨你的悲你的痛,
我亲尝你的恨你的悲你的痛,
却始终无法带走这一切。
如今,我走了,
你仍旧的痛苦着。
对你来说,
我只是一个终告失败的实验品,
你所仇恨的人的替代品,
不该存在也不曾存在的虚假。
我走了,
改变不了甚么。
你的恨你的悲你的痛,
从不是因我而起,
最终也不会因我退离。
因死亡而生的生命,
即便挣扎,
始终,也无法摆脱灭亡的命运;
因挚爱而起的仇恨,
如果乞求,
最后,又可否博得宽恕的救赎?


1楼2011-07-07 14:54回复
    When I opened my eyes,
    I saw your smile.
    Because you succeeded.
    Because you saw the possibility of his return.
    Because you thought you were one step closer to the reality in your heart.
    That time, I was still too naïve,
    I replied you with a smile.
    But I never knew,
    your smile – as wonderful as life – is not for me,
    Even your anger – as cruel as death – is not for me either.
    Forcing me to be another person,
    Charging me for the unforgivable sin of patricide,
    But you never know,
    The charge you give me is too unfamiliar to me,
    The name you call me is not really belonged to me.
    I want to tell you that you are wrong,
    Opening my mouth but no sound is out.
    Well, I forget one thing.
    My voice is already taken away by you.
    Because what I am what I think you have no need to know,
    What you care is only the reality in your heart.
    This world is fake I am fake,
    Only the crazy reality you persist in is left.
    You never know,
    I am you,
    Even I am nonexistent delusion,
    I am you.
    This is the only reality I can find in this fake world,
    But you cannot listen to me anymore.
    To wipe away the reality I tell you you can even murder,
    Blurring your already dazed sight with the blood,
    Sacrificial offering for the survival of your persisting reality.
    I don’t hate you,
    For you are just a poor guy who cannot identify the reality and delusion,
    Even your own presence you want to wipe away,
    To maintain the reality in your heart.
    I don’t hate you,
    For the wound in your heart is much more painful than mine on my body,
    At least mine can be cured when time passes by,
    Until now, yours is still bleeding.
    I just feel sorrow,
    For I am just an onlooker in your life.
    I see your hatred, your sorrow, your pain,
    I taste you hatred, your sorrow, your pain,
    But I cannot bring away them all along.
    Now I am gone,
    But you are still in the pain.
    To you,
    I am just a failure of your experiments,
    A replacement of the one you hate,
    A delusion which should not have been present and is not present.
    I am gone,
    It just doesn’t change things.
    Your hatred, your sorrow, your pain,
    Did not start because of me,
    Will not leave because of me at the very end.
    Life born because of death,
    Even there are struggles,
    After all, it cannot get out of the doom.
    Hatred born due to love,
    If there is begging,
    At last, can it gain the salvation through forgiveness?


    2楼2011-07-07 14:54
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