So few days ago we were talking about banning things related to homosexuals, on wechat. I was pretty angry about it. He first said that he has something that he wants to talk about with me, then he asked do I remember the question he asked me when I just got there, am I a gay, straight or bi.

I didn’t feel like outing myself to others…by others I mean everybody, friends, parents, everybody. I’m too freaking scared. But I didn’t want to lie either, so I just said that I don’t feel like answering this question right now. He later texted me again, and I didn’t answer.

I should’ve F U C king realized that he’s gonna say that. Actually I do but I just thought that ain’t likely to happen...

I was legitimately shocked...I asked for real? He said yes.
I was just...
I silenced for a while and said no. I refused.
He was...disappointed in general?

After I got to the studyhall I was generally in a shock, a panic. I couldn’t focus, no need to say doing my homework. I couldn’t think. My guts were havin an “inscrutable unrest within me”. My hands were cold like icecubes.

He asked can u keep this secret. I said yeah of course, I aint no bigmouth. No worries. He said that he hoped I can think about it again he’d be good to me.

So when I encounter these, I immediately try to escape, to run.
Does this make me an asshole...a bastard...?

I’m so sorry...

我像个**。

I’m not capable for these...I’m like the old guy from notes from underground, or horseman bojack...

I feel like my personality has been spliced into 2. One is that kid, the other one is a literal narcissistic selfish self-centered scum.
Hey why care about others?
You are great. You are perfect!
You are being too nice to others.
That’s all his 口头禅。Just imagine the guy from notes from the underground

I’m just gonna forget these.
I really ain’t trying to be a scum...I’m just too afraid. Sorry. My apologies.

哈哈哈哈...还是很有历史意义啊…人生第一次被表白…？